Six Core Needs

How we satisfy these needs will determine our experience of happiness. These needs also describe to us why we do what we do and why we don’t do what we know we should be doing. If we satiate any of these needs we get unhappy.  The antidote to this is to embrace or at least satisfy the need which is paradoxical to it.  E.g. certainty paradoxically links to uncertainty.

These six core needs can be met in one of two ways. Namely either unresourcefully, which means the way the need is met is obtainable but not sustainable. For example you can get drunk to meet your need of variety but is it sustainable? The other way we meet our needs is in a resourceful, obtainable and sustainable manner. For example you can meet your need for variety through your career choice which has inbuilt variety and adventure like coaching or sales. 

1. Certainty/Safety/Comfort.

Unresourceful/Obtainable: Control of others, watching hours of TV instead of having a life, food, control, routine (depending on whether the routine is holding you back or moving you forward), procrastination.

Resourceful/Obtainable and Sustainable: Backing yourself, in order to get the results you want, certainty of self, allowing yourself to become who you need to become in order to handle the problem, routines that support and nurture and provide foundation.

2. Uncertainty/ Variety/Adventure.

Unresourceful/Obtainable: Overwhelm, drug taking, intoxication, changing TV channels, self sabotage, creating drama and problems for ourselves so we having ‘something to do’. This is satisfying our need for uncertainty.

Resourceful/Obtainable and Sustainable: playfulness, embracing adventure, changing the meaning of an event (reframe), different hobbies, new challenges, creativity.

3. Significance. (Are you a giver or getter of significance?)

Unresourceful/Obtainable: (Getter of Significance) Putting others down, promiscuity, gossip, sad stories about self, martyr, victim, lying in a way that gets us caught, rebellion

Resourceful/Obtainable/Sustainable: Leader of self and others, volunteer work, speaking up, achieving a goal, mastery in our field of endeavor.

4. Love/Connection.(In the absence of love we will settle for connection)

Unresourceful/Obtainable: Needy, self harm, unhealthy relationships, connection thru problem e.g. drugs, ‘if u don’t love me I’ll hurt myself’ 

Resourceful/Obtainable/Sustainable: Sharing, supporting, connect thru nature, God, self, self worth, your truth.

5. Contribution

6. Growth.